Broken Hearts And Butterflies
There are just some discomforts that doctors can’t ease. There are just some wounds that medicine won’t heal.
There are heart conditions that the best cardiologist won’t be able to do anything about, such as a broken heart. The searing anguish caused by a beloved’s betrayal, or his indifference or rejection – there’s no cure for that but time. But before the treatment period is over the pain will be exacerbated by every single love song that gets any radio airtime, or comes up by accident in some auto-generated playlist. Popular culprits: Bee Gees, Adele, Air Supply, Barry Manilow, James Ingram, Mariah… The sting of unrequited or unconsummated love, however, is one to be savored and wallowed in, and brought out when one finds oneself single in Southfield on Valentine’s Day.
As for butterflies in the stomach, I’m afraid no surgeon will cute anybody open for that. A gastrointestinal specialist may give you some Tums or Pepto-Bismol but neither will truly settle those flutterings. If it’s due to something you’re watching on TV, then for God’s sake turn the thing off, or change the channel. If the butterflies are caused by some kind of performance anxiety, then perhaps rehearsing that speech cold help or perhaps envisioning that home run or that goal could give you some confidence boost, or at the very least help ensure a favorable outcome. If the fluttering is brought on by fear or danger, then perhaps evacuating that flooded area, or calling the cops, is the way to go.
No surgery for sticks that are up people’s asses either. Maybe a couple of hundred sessions with a psychotherapist would address the issue better. Or sometimes a stern word from the boss, coupled with the threat of being fired, could help create that much needed attitude adjustment. All it takes is for the person with said stick to realize that he or she does in fact have it up his or her hiney, and that it makes life hell for the people who are in the vicinity. Hopefully this will result in some enforced relaxation and laying back, and even the relinquishing of some control.